Just tossing it out there…

…like a used tissue from Paul Reuben’s movie preview days…

Things that make me shrug and think more thoughts that are usual to me, unusual to others, and, meh, result in 80% of my gray matter being questionable…

Ego…I spend an inordinate amount of time looking at, poking, and challenging my ego.  I notice that most folks don’t do that; instead, they run in circles like a dog trying to lie down and use the word “I” (read EGO) to explain how they have small egos.  I wonder why folks don’t fluff up their egos, like a peacock in full bloom, and parade around with their egos showing, rather than feigning politeness.  I, for one, relish my self-centered nature.  I like doing what I want, when I want, and how I want.

How dog shit turns white…I also spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about, but not poking, dog shit.  In some cases, it goes from its naturally brown color to some strange white, dusty log – quite miraculously,  but not my dog’s shit – why is that?  When I was a kid, I used to think that white dog turds probably came from old dogs.  As an adult who must do reconnaissance in the yard prior to mowing it, I am ever vigilant of the bombs all around.  Yet, strangely, none of the bombs are white, chalky torpedoes.  Why is that?  Like a modern day Miss Marple, I should find a spy glass and set about unraveling this mystery; but it occurred to me, it has been since my childhood that I have seen an actual, honest to goodness white dog turd.  Why is that?

I wonder why I work so hard, earn money that at the end of the week I use money to buy stuff.  I keep the stuff in a house that I pay for and I decorate that house with the money I earn so that my stuff has a pretty place to be kept in and then I remember…I don’t have any children who will inherit this stuff and incorporate into their lives and their stuff.  Why do I do this?  In my mind, I am a vegan minimalist who craves bacon double cheese burgers while sitting in and amongst a small hoard of stuff in a teeny tiny house.  What is the meaning of this madness?

I look at other people, some times people who are obviously couples, and I immediately imagine them “doing the deed” not in a voyeuristic way, but more in a “knowing” way that they have shared some intimacy.  The next wondering is if they shared that intimacy before either knew the other’s middle name or childhood fear or some other inane factoid about one another.  The last wondering is why a woman would have, invite, want, or desire any appendage inside of her body before she knew for sure whether her “partner” had a dishtowel drawer in his/her kitchen; which leads me to wonder if men ever, before willingly placing themselves in a woman’s body, want to get to know someone better before being in this position???

Just tossing it out there…





  1. Ego: I got nothin..my ego is a wrecking ball whether it’s swinging at me or away from me. smh

    Dog Shit: Something to do with chemicals and oxidation I am guessing. What goes it matters to what comes out. My current locale is burdened with dog shit. It’s on the sidewalks, on the streets, in grass (maybe), on curbs, driveways and alleys. This area just has a lot of strays but also owners don’t pick up after theirs I think. It’s a real problem walking around. I don’t care what color it is, don’t let me step in it!

    Earning money vicious circle: Some areas of the world simply put more value in things than others. Living minimalistic and simple is becoming quite the thing and though we keep things down to quick moveable we still have a lot of crap. (no dog shit though) Every time we move I get rid of stuff and every time we move I buy stuff. Very little is need, mostly it’s want.

    Sex: casual sex comes down to psychological stuff I think. I was rather sexually active in my youth Sex to me isn’t about love or intimacy, its a physical thing. It’s just not something I worried about and I completely should have. How I got through my teens and 20’s with hardly a scrape is a damn miracle. I think to some extent this also plays to ego. I wasn’t the prettiest girl, I was the personality girl so I tended to be open to guys who actually paid attention to me. Maybe it was an inhibition thing, I just didn’t have many in that department until I started maturing.


  2. Sex: I talk about it a lot, I fill the air around me with innuendo. I think I am quite good at it (EGO) yet the number of partners I have had in my lifetime is readily countable on one hand and two I married. I am a serial monogamist! Boring. I wish I had sewn a few more oats back in the 80’s when everything was a Flock of Seagulls and Duran Duran! But I didn’t. AIDS had reared its ugly head and my legs slammed shut quicker and tighter than a duck’s ass hitting the river. So I talk about it. A lot. I’m like a 15 year old boy trapped in this slightly over middle-aged body! And…I am ok with that.


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