As kind of a followup to the previous post, I have given a lot of thought recently to this situation and some others that are “toxic” in my opinion and have decided this year’s Improved Me work will be what I’m going to call Silver Lining.
- Past Situations that linger: I am going to reflect and thoughtfully find the positive that either came from the situation or was somehow linked to it and focus on that. As an example, the sibling issue noted in my previous post. The positive from that is I have found a new appreciation for the relationship I had with my brother that died and know that he and I did have a connection unlike any other. This feels good down to my bones. (the psychoanalyzation of that is perhaps I am harder on my two living brothers and our lack of relationship because it was so good with the him, do I expect too much from them?)
- Current Situations: When something is happening that I find myself feeling bad, sad, angry, annoyed, hurt or otherwise in the negative category I will try to consciously identify that for what it is and seek what good might come from it.
- Future Situations: If I know something needs to happen that will have an effect causing bad or hurtful feelings I will endeavor to see and promote the positive pieces, if any, so the sting may be less and the best good will come from something that feels awful. As an example: We have a big life change coming in a few years that will take away the definite security we feel being long time active military. It will be stressful and strange going from the familiar and definite financial and health care security to the civilian. It will also limit our love of travel, at least for a while. Silver lining for me is we might just be able to settle into a house that is our own and we can personalize it, maybe have a garden and a dog.
- Lifelong Situations: I wrote this post and on proofing it realized it was missing a category. There are some situations that have had a lasting or ongoing effect from childhood that I need to work out. Perhaps this category will be more internal, things I don’t necessarily like about myself and aren’t likely to change at this point, such as my massive stage fright.
So, the basic idea is to not dwell too long on the angry, bitter, gross stuff and to find a purpose in it. Put that crap to work at adding to my life not just making it stink.
I just dribbled coffee down my chin and onto my shirt. Haven’t found the Silver Lining in that yet.
*side note: I came to this revelation (silver lining not dribbling coffee) whilst playing the Meow Meow Island game on my tablet last night.