Hadn’t thought of it all day, in fact haven’t thought of it specifically for a while now.
With no distinguishable reason last night as my head hit the pillow my brain went straight for the memories of the day my brother died and in detail.
For years I replayed the phone call and my falling completely apart, my co-workers helping me, my man coming to get me, the shower break down. Rewind, replay.
It has been a while since my brain went there. The emotions were the same: sorrow, pain, shock, trying to grasp what I was told and retrospective appreciation for those wonderful people I worked with who saw me at my worst and go me through that day and my boyfriend, now husband, who picked me up in more ways than driving me home.
I actually said out loud a frustrated “Why?” then to myself why is this in my head now?
Then I fell asleep